Monsters in my closet

My weight loss has slowed to an all time slow over the last two months. All in all, I am ok with it because I feel terrific and look pretty dang good too. I know that it is due to a few factors such as less exercise, more food, increased stress, decreased water, and lastly, being very near my goal weight.

I set out with an ultimate dream weight goal of 170. I thought I MIGHT be able to achieve it but always had it in the back of my mind that if I just got below 200 I would be incredibly grateful. I am within 9 pounds of my goal right now (178.6 as of yesterday) and I am suddenly afraid of the dark.

Now, you ask, why would a 37 year old woman be afraid of the dark? Well, i am.... figuratively speaking of course. What if it is all over? What if this is it? What if I am done? Now what? I still want to be thinner.... Or is it that I am just afraid of gaining it back? My bets are on the latter.

There are monsters in my closet. I AM afraid of gaining it back. In the last 7 months I haven't ever stepped on the scale with fear of what I would see. (now that isn't entirely true... I have hit plateaus and wondered, but never for this long). I haven't had to wonder what the result would be. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was going to be, even worst case scenario, the exact same as the day before but only for a few days until it would drop again. I can't take comfort in that so called reality anymore.

Real life is beginning again and I have to be a big girl and face it. It isn't a foregone conclusion that I will keep my weight off. I know that I will always have to work at it. My left over fat cells are just hibernating; waiting for me to "get over" being thin, but I won't. I won't ever "get over" how I feel right now. I just might have to sleep with a night light and keep the closet door shut for a while. I still have 15-20 pounds that I could lose and be well within the healthy weight guidelines.

Monsters or not, I am not done yet. I will not let fear take hold. I am strong. I am capable. I am worthy. I will finish what I started.