The last few months have been particularly difficult with work. I have been struggling in accepting my boss because I disagree with things that are being done and I really feel like they should be handled in another way. Part of it, I think, is my own ego getting in the way thinking that I could do a better job. The other part is feeling powerless and frustrated that things feel pretty out of control. I personally believe that people are the happiest when they feel like they're making a difference and lately that's been a significant challenge.
Most days I end up getting emotional on my way to work and I start to get teary-eyed because I know what is ahead of me. I know that when I walk in the door I'm not going to be able to accomplish everything that comes at me that day. I know that I probably won't even get through the issues that came up the day before and lastly I know that it's a cyclical process and it just keeps going over and over and over. I start to wonder if I'm really making a difference or leaving impact on those that I interact with and supervise. I have tried venting to get my feelings out, hoping that I will be able to process and get rid of them, but it's not helping.
Complaining is simply another way of saying that I am just rehashing all the old feelings and bring them up again. What I need to do is understand the remedy, figure out what steps I can take to fix what is within my sphere of influence and what is in my complete control.
I had a coaching session with a mentor tonight who really helped to put things into perspective for me. I needed a reminder that what I'm doing right now is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. There are lessons that I need to learn; some perhaps, that I need to relearn. There are also things that I can take from my experiences that are going to make me a better person in the long run. What I'm doing right now is not my dream job, it is just a stepping stone to get to where I really want to be and lastly, there is a reason for the frustration and continual anxiety that I feel. That being said, there is no reason that I can't be happy right where I am.
Sometimes I think we do this with all aspects of our lives. How many times have we said, "I'll be happy when....?" The word when is one of those uncertain words like tomorrow. It is a future state and in the future there is always a tomorrow. Today is what we need to act on, not tomorrow. Today is when we need to be happy right where we are.
So the question is where are you? And if you're not happy what are you going to do about it?
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