Buckets Full of Change

I've recently been asked several times why I haven't updated my blog is such a long time and the answer is very simple, while the activities behind it are actually quite complicated.  I don't have the time to dedicate to explain everything at this time, but have felt that the time is right to begin sharing.

The Holmes and Rahe stress scale is used in order to correlate stressful life events and the likelihood of illness and disease.  A score of over 300 "Life Change Units" is said to put one in the highest category of  "at risk of illness".  (You can find an easy to read article here: Holmes and Rahe Stress Scale)

The following represents how I stack up in the last 5 months:

Life event	Life change units	Notes
Divorce	73	June: In progress
Personal injury or illness	53	July: Result of stress?
Dismissal from work	47	Announced 8/24
Marital reconciliation	45	We’ve had to reconcile some since we are still living under the same roof.
Sexual difficulties	39	2012: Result of marital strife.
Change in financial state	38	2012: See spouse not working
Change in frequency of arguments	35	Ummm Divorce… duh.
Child leaving home	29	June: 2 month stay w/dad
Spouse starts or stops work	26	Off and on since Dec.
Begin or end school	26	March: Begun  Aug: Term End
Change in living conditions	25	See divorce/reconciliaton
Revision of personal habits	24	Stopped Working out
Change in sleeping habits	16	Not sleeping: Stress
Change in eating habits	15	Not eating well: Stress
Vacation	13	July: 20 yr Reunion
Total Life Change Units	504	Yikes!

So frankly, if I wake up with cancer tomorrow, I won't be surprised.  lol.  No, wait, that isn't a laughing matter.  Here is the way I see it.  I am certainly at risk for illness and the like, but I believe that it has more to do with your perception of the events than it does with the actual events themselves.  I believe that you can go through period of life such as mine and get through it without a hitch.  Clearly, the stress scale above isn't making a causative statement where I am destined to be ill due to the intensity of my score, but is merely making a correlation based on average responses of their study subjects over time.

We all have periods in our lives where we feel a sense of overwhelm.  Where it seems as if there isn't one more thing that we can handle, yet the universe seems to keep piling it on.  We exclaim, "When it rains it pours."  We reach out to friends and family for support in our time of need.  We cry ourselves to sleep, we weep at commercials, we lash out at our family for the slightest misgivings.  In doing so, we are venting, or bearing down on our pressure release valves that keep us from imploding.  However, there are other ways in which we can do this.  Much more constructive ways in fact.

One of my favorite ways to manage the stress, is to focus only on that which I can control.  Sometimes, that is very little, but it might be that I am in control of my workouts, or what I choose to have to drink that day.  Then I focus on my plan.  This piece is crucial for me.  I feel anxious when I don't have a plan of action, so I make one.  Again, I am then choosing my destiny.

Events will happen in our lives both good and bad.  The bad will seem to come all at once and pound us like a sledgehammer.  In order for you to be able to get through it in one piece, you need to choose a different path.  You need to make your plan in accordance with the circumstances that you happen to be in at the moment.  Figure out what you can control and begin to make plans to alter the circumstances.  You'll make it through....  we all do.  :)

Thoughts = Perception = Reality

For the last 2 days I have been in San Francisco finishing the rest of the training certification for Achieve Global's Sales programs. I was fortunate enough to be seated next to a woman who directed me to a book titled, The Luck Factor. Clearly I haven't read it yet but her description really made me think about a few things.

She said the basic assertion of the book is that luck is a perceived thing. In other words, you get what you look for. If you are always looking and waiting for the "other shoe to drop", it probably will. Those who have a positive outlook on life and all of its uncertainty will probably not perceive the same events in the same way. The same events would be occurring but because they look at it in another light it is viewed as less "unlucky" or perhaps, not about luck or negative circumstances at all.

I have always believed this and lived this way. I believe that even in the midst of the most trying of times, there are things we can learn and benefits to be gained if we look at it through a different set of lenses. I can distinctly remember times when I was giving more credence to the negative events than they deserved and they seemed to keep coming like hell fire until I changed my view of them. Suddenly, I felt very differently and although I didn't have any control over the events themselves, I did have complete control over my perception and subsequent reaction.

So I challenge you this week to change your lenses. How can you change your perspective? What can you learn from your circumstances? What benefit is there for the taking? What could you be missing out on by focusing on the wrong thing?

Change your perspective; change your reality.