Woman in black

I am in mourning. The day has come that I must give up my favorite pair of jeans for I cannot handle the butt sag much less the annoyance of pulling them up every 5 min. They are the last of the 22's and I suppose it is time since the 20's are beginning to only last through one wearing before they are pretty loose as well.

I now have more clothes in the "does not fit" pile than are actually hanging in the closet. Yes, a good sign and one that will continue for many more months but a mildly frustrating situation nonetheless.

I better get a second job. I'm going to need to go shopping.

BTW, I hit 236 today. 4 more pounds until I beat my lowest post high-school weight!
*in the interest of full disclosure, there was a time in college where I was at 216, but I didn't get there by being healthy. Three jobs, full time school schedule and boyfriends galore.... Even though I looked good, I was not a picture of health for sure*
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Stress Demons

It has finally happened..... The demons have returned home to roost. BUT not in my backyard I say!

To this point, I have had mild amounts of stress, but nothing that I couldn't handle. The last two weeks however, have been another story entirely. Apparently, I have reached my breaking point, because all I want to do is reach for comfort food. I would give my left hand for a raspberry mango donut from Beyond Glaze and I would give both of my thumbs for a buffalo shepherds pie and a pint of Amber Bock from MacCools.

So, you ask, how am I coping? Decently I suppose. First and foremost, writing helps. Not only because it is cathartic in its own right but it also keeps my hands occupied! ;-). In a brave attempt to escape the insanity, I also left work for lunch and headed to the one place I couldn't trade body parts for carbs, Teriyaki. Sure, the plate comes with rice, but plain rice isn't worth the loss of limbs. I can spice up the grilled chicken so, in a way, I can artificially stimulate an endorphin rush and perhaps get through the demon attack without injury.

*holding up my proverbial pint* "Here's to my new way of life and new coping mechanisms when stress demons come a' knockin'"
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Why did you push that button?

Someone stepped on a nerve yesterday. One that I didn't know was exposed. She asked me how much I've lost and when I told her 38 since surgery, she responded with a resounding, "that's not that fast. You could have lost that by doing HCG".

I realized that was a touchy subject only after my retort, "What do you mean? That's 20 pounds a month." was sharper than I intended. If you were just to listen to the tone I used, you might have assumed I said something more along the lines of "What the H- did you say to me?"

I guess it has been bugging me a bit that my average is about 3 pounds a week (excluding the first week netting 16 big ones). I haven't been sticking right to the prescribed diet. There have been times I've had two tablespoons of ice cream or 4 Doritos. I've justified this by saying that this is my life now... And I am not going to eat just protein for the rest of my life, so I have to learn to deal with temptation, etc etc. However, based on yesterdays interaction and my continued irritation about it today, clearly I need to do some thinking around the subject. Am I fooling myself? Is 3-4lbs sufficient? Am I sabotaging my continued success? Do I secretly have unrealistic expectations?

More thoughts to come...... Off to work I go.
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"Cheap cheap" said the wee little chick

I don't know if I should consider it fortunate or not, but to this point, I haven't really had to buy much to wear even though I have gone from a 26 to a 20 in pants.  Sure, things have been limited but, nevertheless, I still have pants to wear for a few more sizes.  Bras and shirts are an entirely different story however.  Over the years of skinny times, I have saved a few shirts, but during that time I wasn't a working professional and 90%of them were T-shirts most of which, look terrible anyway.  So brings me to the point of my story.

I have needed to add to my wardrobe in the last week or so and overcoming my frugal nature has been a significant challenge. Scouring the clearance aisles has been little to no help since winter has come and gone and the spring clearance is on clearance for good reason.  I cringe at the price of new clothes knowing that they will only fit well for three to four weeks max.

Underclothes have only added to the frustration.  I can no longer tolerate my underwear because they have become extreme exhibitionists.  They feel the need to flash the world by creeping too high up my backside and popping out of the top of my pants at all times; constantly reminding me of the Ray Stevens song, "It's Me Again Margaret!"  Shameful suckers they have become.  Consequently, they must to go, along with the brasier that is suddenly swallowing my girls like a king cobra swallowing a bunny.  $36.00 for a bra?  Sigh.   If only the girls would stand-up on their own.  Maybe one day.... and 5k later.

I haven't exhausted all of the shopping options.  I still have Old Navy (which provided me with 2 Polos for $12 two weeks ago), Sears, Target and Kohls and if necessary, Wal-Mart. I am just not looking forward to the day when my clothes well runs dry and I am not at my final destination, but it is coming.  Paradoxically, faster and slower than I want it to.

Bunnies are Evil

Easter is the first holiday I have encountered so far and I have come to the conclusion that bunnies are evil.... along with Cadbury, Hersheys, and every other chocolate maker out there.

And that is all.
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A Dual Fortnight

One month already?? Wow. I can't believe that one month ago today my life changed forever. In some ways it seems like it was just yesterday, but oddly enough, it seems as though it is quickly becoming a memory of old.

I feel comfortable in the fact that my meals are minuscule. It doesn't seem odd to me anymore. In fact, I think about what I used to eat and laugh at myself for being delusional in thinking that I wasn't eating too much. As an example, last night I had an appointment directly after work and needed to grab something for dinner on the way home. To that end, I stopped by Chick-Fil-A for "some" chicken strips.

Normally, I would have gotten the 3 piece strips with the fries and devoured every last morsel. Last night, however, half of one strip was enough. A meal that I used to eat at one sitting, would now last me a minimum of 8. I can't help but think, had I just cut everything in half prior to surgery....... Hmmmmm. Well, no point in that thought.

I am happy with my decision. In fact, I am not shy about telling anyone. I am proud of myself for finally having the courage to change my life in the most powerful way and face success head-on. I can finally say, that I am empowered and my outside appearance will reflect what I have always felt inside. One month down, the rest of my life to go!
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I owe, I owe, so off to work... I went

I have the most amazing life!!!  Last week, I visited a little village just outside of Paris for the day and dined at the most exquisite restaurant.  It is a little known cafe just off of Rue de Paradiso.  I wish you could have been with me to see the variety of petite plates that they offered for brunch; Crespéou, Quiche Fromage, Gruyere Cheese Souffle, Orange-Walnut Bread French Toast and mini appetizers such as Goat Cheese truffles, Gougères (a bite size cheese puff), and my personal favorite, Roulade jambon chevre.

The weather was delightful.  There was just enough crispness to the air that morning to remind me that I should have brought my cardigan along. As I looked around at all the passers-by I was not surprised to see how many of them were also enjoying the weather.  The tune ever present in the air of birds chirping, and the aroma of  wildflowers and grass was natures way of saying, notice me.  It was a glorious morning and a much needed rest from the hustle and bustle of the city in the days before.  I also enjoyed being able to unwind and get into the correct mindset for my trip to The Dunmore on Harbour Island in 2 days.

*Snap back to reality*
Last week was my first week back to work.  A little bit crazy and a whole lot of fun.  I have to admit that I was missing work a bit.  Being at home was fun for a while, but working gives a girl a whole new sense of accomplishment.  I do love work....   well, I guess I am not being entirely truthful.  If I could find a way to get paid as much as I do with all my benefits, I am sure I could find plenty to fill my time without work getting in the way.  Getting right down to brass tacks, shopping is much more fun than analyzing data, creating reports, and reading hours of worthless email threads.

Oh well.  Affluent or not, I can still dream of pointless, random, and frequent travel to romantic, quaint and exotic locales.

Dream on Friends!