8 months, 8 pounds & 28,000 calories

Yesterday was my eight month checkup with Dr. Simper. I have to say it was pretty exciting to walk in and be less than 8 pounds away from my original goal weight. My pulse is in the high 50s and my BP is perfect. I couldn't be happier with my results.

As I was talking to the nurse as I was leaving, she was surprised that it's only been eight months. Clearly they are very complimentary because they want you to feel good since this is such a life-changing event, but it got me thinking about how many others she must see that really don't do as well as I have.

I'm so incredibly fortunate to have such amazing insurance that made it possible and so easy to have the surgery. I haven't had any problems and have tolerated everything perfectly. While my weight hasn't dropped dramatically like others report with 7 to 10 pound losses each week, it's been steady and I think that's saying a lot.

Clearly what I've been doing is exactly what my body needed. I know there has been some controversy over my choice of adding "forbidden" foods into my diet before hitting my goal weight. However I feel like my results speak for themselves. I don't have food addiction issues and don't have trouble stopping with just a few bites. The difference for me though is I never had food addiction issues. My challenge was to change my relationship with food and change my mind set on what I can actually live off of.

We live in a society that provides us with gigantic out-of-control portions every single day. We are barraged with ads and media where they want to sell us gargantuan meals that we don't need. Some consider the Carl's Jr. Guacamole Bacon Six Dollar burger with 1040 cal and 72 g of fat, a meal. Oh wait, I misspoke, I forgot to fries and large Dr. Pepper.

Carl's Jr. happens to be, in my humble opinion, the worst offender of them all since they have the likes of Kim Kardashian in all of her bathing suit beauty glory, devouring a burger that contains more calories than she probably eats all day. It's an ad that says, "you too can be sexy, have the body you want and eat our food". While I'm sure somewhere in the world there are those that are genetically gifted enough to be able to do that, my money is on the bulk of the rest of us that couldn't possibly do that even with the help of a Genie and a Magic lamp. But, until I get one of those of my own, it's off to the gym I go to burn off a portion of the remaining 28,000 calories. Ciao!

Monsters in my closet

My weight loss has slowed to an all time slow over the last two months. All in all, I am ok with it because I feel terrific and look pretty dang good too. I know that it is due to a few factors such as less exercise, more food, increased stress, decreased water, and lastly, being very near my goal weight.

I set out with an ultimate dream weight goal of 170. I thought I MIGHT be able to achieve it but always had it in the back of my mind that if I just got below 200 I would be incredibly grateful. I am within 9 pounds of my goal right now (178.6 as of yesterday) and I am suddenly afraid of the dark.

Now, you ask, why would a 37 year old woman be afraid of the dark? Well, i am.... figuratively speaking of course. What if it is all over? What if this is it? What if I am done? Now what? I still want to be thinner.... Or is it that I am just afraid of gaining it back? My bets are on the latter.

There are monsters in my closet. I AM afraid of gaining it back. In the last 7 months I haven't ever stepped on the scale with fear of what I would see. (now that isn't entirely true... I have hit plateaus and wondered, but never for this long). I haven't had to wonder what the result would be. I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was going to be, even worst case scenario, the exact same as the day before but only for a few days until it would drop again. I can't take comfort in that so called reality anymore.

Real life is beginning again and I have to be a big girl and face it. It isn't a foregone conclusion that I will keep my weight off. I know that I will always have to work at it. My left over fat cells are just hibernating; waiting for me to "get over" being thin, but I won't. I won't ever "get over" how I feel right now. I just might have to sleep with a night light and keep the closet door shut for a while. I still have 15-20 pounds that I could lose and be well within the healthy weight guidelines.

Monsters or not, I am not done yet. I will not let fear take hold. I am strong. I am capable. I am worthy. I will finish what I started.

Why yes, I do take my own pics

I vowed that I would never publicly share a picture that I took of myself in the mirror of the bathroom, but I couldn't help it this time.

This is a picture I am pretty proud of. I feel like I can actually see and I mean really see all the progress I have made. It is really hard to believe that just 7 short months ago I looked bloated and enormous.

Thank you God for making someone smart and gifted enough to create a solution and tool for me to use in obtaining lasting health.







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