The last few months have been particularly difficult with work. I have been struggling in accepting my boss because I disagree with things that are being done and I really feel like they should be handled in another way. Part of it, I think, is my own ego getting in the way thinking that I could do a better job. The other part is feeling powerless and frustrated that things feel pretty out of control. I personally believe that people are the happiest when they feel like they're making a difference and lately that's been a significant challenge.
Most days I end up getting emotional on my way to work and I start to get teary-eyed because I know what is ahead of me. I know that when I walk in the door I'm not going to be able to accomplish everything that comes at me that day. I know that I probably won't even get through the issues that came up the day before and lastly I know that it's a cyclical process and it just keeps going over and over and over. I start to wonder if I'm really making a difference or leaving impact on those that I interact with and supervise. I have tried venting to get my feelings out, hoping that I will be able to process and get rid of them, but it's not helping.
Complaining is simply another way of saying that I am just rehashing all the old feelings and bring them up again. What I need to do is understand the remedy, figure out what steps I can take to fix what is within my sphere of influence and what is in my complete control.
I had a coaching session with a mentor tonight who really helped to put things into perspective for me. I needed a reminder that what I'm doing right now is exactly what I'm supposed to be doing. There are lessons that I need to learn; some perhaps, that I need to relearn. There are also things that I can take from my experiences that are going to make me a better person in the long run. What I'm doing right now is not my dream job, it is just a stepping stone to get to where I really want to be and lastly, there is a reason for the frustration and continual anxiety that I feel. That being said, there is no reason that I can't be happy right where I am.
Sometimes I think we do this with all aspects of our lives. How many times have we said, "I'll be happy when....?" The word when is one of those uncertain words like tomorrow. It is a future state and in the future there is always a tomorrow. Today is what we need to act on, not tomorrow. Today is when we need to be happy right where we are.
So the question is where are you? And if you're not happy what are you going to do about it?
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Do I know you?
A week or so ago, I ran into a friend of my sisters that I've known for probably 15 years. I haven't seen her in close to six years so when she looked at me a bit funny I didn't think anything of it until she said "Oh my God! You look so great I never would've recognized you." Interestingly enough, the day immediately following that interaction, I ran into another friend at work whom I haven't seen in 9 months and she was equally confounded.
It started me thinking about how much things have really changed. I feel very much like the same person but it's clear from their reaction that in some ways I have changed significantly I don't look the same, I probably don't act quite the same, walk the same and in many ways, don't think the same.
We all change through the course of our lives. We grow older, are exposed to more situations and must adapt to pressures surrounding us. But what of the things we don't change? What beliefs do we hold about ourselves that are out of date or simply untrue?
Assignment:
1. Describe yourself in one word.
2. Why do you use that word?
3. What other labels would you have used?
4. Why did you rank your list in that order?
5. Think of three reasons why someone who knows you and loves you would disagree with that label.
6. What word would they use?
7. Could they be right?
It started me thinking about how much things have really changed. I feel very much like the same person but it's clear from their reaction that in some ways I have changed significantly I don't look the same, I probably don't act quite the same, walk the same and in many ways, don't think the same.
We all change through the course of our lives. We grow older, are exposed to more situations and must adapt to pressures surrounding us. But what of the things we don't change? What beliefs do we hold about ourselves that are out of date or simply untrue?
Assignment:
1. Describe yourself in one word.
2. Why do you use that word?
3. What other labels would you have used?
4. Why did you rank your list in that order?
5. Think of three reasons why someone who knows you and loves you would disagree with that label.
6. What word would they use?
7. Could they be right?
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Adventures in the Kingdom of Skinny
Over the New Year's weekend my husband and I went to Moab with our friends, Zak & Michelle for the express purpose of hiking and rappelling. I have, of course, hiked before but Zak is a serious hiker and outdoorsman. I was nervous and concerned that I might not be able to keep up. I didn't want him to get frustrated or annoyed at my lack of altheticism.
As a child I played sports all the way through high school. My dad forced us to go outside and "play" by running drills and doing competitions. It was a pretty brilliant strategy even if I didn't appreciate it at the time. This level of activity, while never effective at keeping me from being overweight, served me well by building my confidence in being able to keep up and at times, surpass the abilities of those that were naturally thin. However, as an adult I've had to readjust my ego several times as I had forgotten that
1. It has been 20 years since high school.
2. I was, although still overweight, significantly less so "back in the day"
Over the years as I have attempted to get back into shape by working out, I have become frustrated that I couldn't do more than 30 seconds of jogging in place or more than 8 full sit ups at a time. The frustration would often lead down the path of anger, resentment, disappointment and finally arriving at the land of defeat where giving up seemed like the most humane solution. Robert Frost would be so disappointed if he knew just how well worn that path was.
I really hate to use quotes that are commonplace making them seem trite and meaningless, but in this case, I'm going to make an exception. Einstein has been quoted as saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." So, by definition, I was insane. :) I no longer have to lay claim to that sort of malaise. I have changed my life forever when I took the first step on the path "less traveled by" and now, I can do this:
As a child I played sports all the way through high school. My dad forced us to go outside and "play" by running drills and doing competitions. It was a pretty brilliant strategy even if I didn't appreciate it at the time. This level of activity, while never effective at keeping me from being overweight, served me well by building my confidence in being able to keep up and at times, surpass the abilities of those that were naturally thin. However, as an adult I've had to readjust my ego several times as I had forgotten that
1. It has been 20 years since high school.
2. I was, although still overweight, significantly less so "back in the day"
Over the years as I have attempted to get back into shape by working out, I have become frustrated that I couldn't do more than 30 seconds of jogging in place or more than 8 full sit ups at a time. The frustration would often lead down the path of anger, resentment, disappointment and finally arriving at the land of defeat where giving up seemed like the most humane solution. Robert Frost would be so disappointed if he knew just how well worn that path was.
I really hate to use quotes that are commonplace making them seem trite and meaningless, but in this case, I'm going to make an exception. Einstein has been quoted as saying, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results." So, by definition, I was insane. :) I no longer have to lay claim to that sort of malaise. I have changed my life forever when I took the first step on the path "less traveled by" and now, I can do this:
Monday, January 9, 2012
Next chapter: Education
Chapter 2 of Sheila 501 is education completion. Unfortunately, I am 6 classes from a BS in Organizational Communication, a minor in Psychology and an emphasis in Theater. I was neck deep in my career when I needed to finish the last few upper division classes of which all the professors wanted to teach at 2 in the afternoon.
The afternoon classroom offerings still haven't changed over the last 10 years. I can only assume this is a result of morning hangovers causing a delay in the thinking capacity of tenured professors working in a public university setting all of whom have forgotten the concept of real work and real work hours. At any rate, you have probably guessed by this point that I elected to keep working and making money rather than continue with afternoon classes. Thus leaving me degree-less.
To rectify this ridiculous predicament I am in, I have elected to begin school at WGU where I can test out of classes based on assessments and or written assignments. WGU is a competency based program where I can proceed through classes at my own pace i.e fast and furious.
I have spent the last few months jumping through hoops to take assessments, send information, and meet with counselors. I don't remember it being such a ridiculous process when I went through this nearly 20 years ago. The last hoop that is causing the most exasperation for me now is that they want me to get my AP Biology credit letter circa 1991 (read: the last year Vanilla Ice was popular). The documents have been archived for 16 years and the process through which I can request them is nearly as archaic. A mailed request with a $25 check or money order or a faxed request with my credit card number out for all the world to see are my only 2 options. I've been informed that should the archaic process fail to produce said credit letter prior to the 22nd, I shall not be allowed to begin school for yet another month. Arghhhh!
I recognize and am fully accepting if the fact that this is the point that we can all laugh AT me collectively for being frustrated about waiting another 6 weeks when I have already waited 16 years. Yes, I know it is silly but I have goals I need to meet and things I want to accomplish. This year only has 357 days left (thank you Leap Year) and I gotta' get crackin'.
The afternoon classroom offerings still haven't changed over the last 10 years. I can only assume this is a result of morning hangovers causing a delay in the thinking capacity of tenured professors working in a public university setting all of whom have forgotten the concept of real work and real work hours. At any rate, you have probably guessed by this point that I elected to keep working and making money rather than continue with afternoon classes. Thus leaving me degree-less.
To rectify this ridiculous predicament I am in, I have elected to begin school at WGU where I can test out of classes based on assessments and or written assignments. WGU is a competency based program where I can proceed through classes at my own pace i.e fast and furious.
I have spent the last few months jumping through hoops to take assessments, send information, and meet with counselors. I don't remember it being such a ridiculous process when I went through this nearly 20 years ago. The last hoop that is causing the most exasperation for me now is that they want me to get my AP Biology credit letter circa 1991 (read: the last year Vanilla Ice was popular). The documents have been archived for 16 years and the process through which I can request them is nearly as archaic. A mailed request with a $25 check or money order or a faxed request with my credit card number out for all the world to see are my only 2 options. I've been informed that should the archaic process fail to produce said credit letter prior to the 22nd, I shall not be allowed to begin school for yet another month. Arghhhh!
I recognize and am fully accepting if the fact that this is the point that we can all laugh AT me collectively for being frustrated about waiting another 6 weeks when I have already waited 16 years. Yes, I know it is silly but I have goals I need to meet and things I want to accomplish. This year only has 357 days left (thank you Leap Year) and I gotta' get crackin'.
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