Apparently, I recovery very well from major surgery. When I had my C-Section, I was up and moving as normal within 2 days and the same has happened with the RnY surgery. I suppose that I should be gateful for the pain tolerance/recovery ability I have been given. I should use it as an opportunity to be pampered while enjoying every minute rather than being in agony and actually needing the pampering.
However, in the hands of someone like me, I don't like to squander the time. I am not a fan of TV, artistic adventures are not my forte, and frankly I haven't spent much time developing any hobbies of note. I hate our couch at the moment because sitting on it is a pain (literally, because it is a POS). I could watch movies upstairs in bed, but one can only take so much of that as well. So this leaves shopping or work.
Yesterday after having been threatened by my boss that she would cut my access if I didn't leave work alone for the next 2 weeks, I was relegated to shopping. I needed to venture out to find liquid vitamins. We live in, for lack of a better description, less cultured, part of town where Walmart and Applebees are the extent of the culture you get. As such, we do not have a natural foods store within 15 miles. Yes, to the naysayers, we do have a GNC nearby, but really? Whenever I go to GNC, I am always the only patron for the hour and as such, feel the cashiers eyes burning a hole in my pocket to get money to fall out of my wallet. So I decided to go to Target, one of my favorite browsing stores. There you can get nearly everything you need just as with Walmart, but still leave the store with your dignity. First stop, baby utensils.
It has been advised to gastric modification patients to eat with baby utensils in an effort to remind onself to take small bites and eat slowly. Sounds good, in theory. However, in looking at the my options, it was just as I had feared; the selection hasn't changed a wink from the time I was using them for my son 8 years ago. Brightly colored, silicone covered utensils do not fit with my image. So, I'll just have to find a smaller grown-up spoon and fork elsewhere. Task 1: failed (by choice... or rather the lack thereof). Next stop, Camelbak water bottle.
Due to the size of my stomach, I can't drink much more than 3-4 oz of water an hour. Combine that with a requirement to stop drinking 30 minutes prior to AND after meals, there is very few waking moments when I am not sipping water. Sipping, being the operative word. Too fast and I'll cramp up like a pulled hamstring on a 3rd string NFL player in the most important game of the season. Drinking through a straw would seem to be the obvious choice in terms of it's simplicity, but alas, when sucking on a straw, one swallows more than just liquid. Air is a terrible team player when there is a limited amount of space.
I have tried drinking from my "cute" little plastic medicine cups, but quickly had to learn not to suck in air whilst sipping away. While I have nearly perfected that technique, having medicine cups full of water is vaguely reminiscent of a scene from the movie Signs. M. Night Shamalan had a unique use for the water glasses that were strung throughout the house, but, as a matter of practicality, this simply will not work. Thus the need for a Camelbak where the water remains at the top of the straw and ready at a moments notice is a fine choice for those that are now, "digestionally" challenged.
Task 2: Camelbak, Fail. I found a 25 oz, bottle that would have worked like a charm, but didn't want to part with the $13.99 necessary to move it from its home on the shelf to my nightstand. Really? $13.99 for a water bottle? Man, I am in the wrong business. So on to Task 3: Vitamins.
After having been sidetracked by the bathroom rug aisle (I threw our old one out 2 weeks ago), and then sidetracked by the deoderant and bodywash, items of high importance I might add, I was faced with the vitamin shelf. No, dear friends, not an aisle, but a shelf. One shelf, I might add, filled with Flinstones, Centrum and Gummy Vites. For those that don't know, Gummy Vites are gummy bear vitamins that even come in an adult version and one that I assume to be a mock of Sour Patch Kids gummy candy. For kids, I get it, vitamins are generally disgusting and making it into more of an enjoyment, might help the reluctant toddler be more receptive, but an adult version? Seriously?
I have never been able to take vitamins like Centrum. Within 20 minutes of it hitting my stomach, I can guarantee you that I will praying to the porcelain gods and wondering why I would put myself in that position with vitamins when other methods of getting to the prayer altar are so much more enjoyable. I have found, over the years that brands from the health food store are a bit more reliable in remaining in my belly where I place them. Personally, I like the brand Alive, but having been relegated to liquid vitamins for the next few years, I dread having to drink the green pond scum sludge. Perhaps this is why adult gummy vitamins exist.
So, not wanting to be completely defeated by Target, I grab my rug, deoderant, body wash, loofah and head towards the exit only stopping for a brief moment at the nail polish. I left with 4 of my fingernails painted various shades of pink after having realized that having a manicure is so much more enjoyable than buying the polish myself. Besides, my cuticles need a little TLC.
Feeling defeated after an hour at Target and still in need of my vitamins, I head to Harmon's grocery store, where I have never been disappointed. They have cheeses and specialty items galore. If I wanted to find a hand crafted cheese from a local artisan cheese maker, I could find it. I was hopeful that within Harmons' health food and vitamins section (yes, a section, unlike Target's shelf) I would find that which I had ventured out for. Gummy Vites were no where to be found, Centrum and the like were drowning in a sea of other brands. Vitamin D, K, E, Z, F, homeopathic remedies, liquid calcium, organic body butter, all natural facial cleansers and make-up.... but no liquid multi-vitamins. I can't blame them really. I can't imagine that many people voluntarily buy pond scum sludge.
By this time, I had been out for nearly 2 hours and was feeling the effects. Back home to take a nap and rest for the remainder of the day. I text Chad about my ventures and was happily greeted with "I already know where to get them" and "I had already planned to do it on the way home from work". Praise God for loving husbands.
I think I have learned my lesson about taking it easy. I didn't sleep well last night, and woke up this morning feeling pretty uncomfortable. I haven't done much today but play on Facebook and spend 45 minutes eating my 1 oz of yogurt. The time drain in eating and sipping water has got to get under control before returning to work. Ah, work, where there is so much to be done. But for today, I will play the part of the Queen; pampered and never riddled with an ounce of guilt for her laziness. Perhaps, I'll take another shower and use my new body wash and loofah.... right after my 2oz of soup for lunch.
